Olúwafèyíṣarámi

Today, I came into a new level of love, deeper than yesterday's. It is never enough to just know. Without love and wisdom, we are lost. And everything just stopped being an issue. In the light of this, I cannot afford to look at you the same way I did yesterday. He is looking at me differently and drawing me closer still in spite of me....all he needed was a possible, willing me. I am in love. I wish you could see.

I am tired. Good intentions are never enough. Love is never enough. I see that now. What people want is not love. It is their own different versions of what love is. I don't have that. I can't give that. And that is always an issue. Oh, if only I could share this love in me. If only you could bask in it with me (I have dreamed this so many times). I want to pour myself out and laugh with you as a child, without holding back....I want that with every iota of my being. It doesn't matter what I see is best or think is right. I BOW. It is first and ALL about you.

It's best to know when to give up and stop trying. I did a few weeks ago and you roused me up for another hearing. I obliged. I melted. And I moved to meet you halfway. Now I'm here, all I see is hate, or is it fear? Is it hurt or a resignation? And I wonder why you called me back. Is it not easier to have just let me stay dead? It feels like you want to twist the knife into my heart again. Is that your joy? I'm too tired for games. I'm too old in my heart to be tossed around. I AM TIRED. I RESIGN. I WILL DIE AGAIN. Please let me stay dead.