Pangs of Loss
This season of sorts. Myriad thoughts race through my mind as I struggle for the right words to convey this feeling inside me. I feel like a mother who just lost a child. I carry the pain of the labour and the loss. The pain is sharp and deep, affecting every organ in my body and leaving me weak. My tears are dry but I moan in weakness and hurt. My child...... I ache from the loss of you. I may not have birthed you physically, but the labour of training, of debugging the system of old interpretations and updating it, is just as vigorous. It definitely took its toll on me. Am I angry? Oh yes. I am angry for not being able to scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone who does not understand this loss, off. I am angry because of decisions I may have made differently. I am angry because I may have spoon-fed you rather than jump-started you. Besides anger, is a numbness and disinterestedness that is enveloping me. To cook, eat, sleep and the works. The only things that seem cons...