Olúwafèyíṣarámi

I have been depressed I have been lonely Trying to reach out but quite not doing it right; Thrashing around and throwing tantrums At everything I could find. I have cried my eyes swollen And have walked aimlessly just finding some relief. I have tried to read. Just anything to channel my energy from this nagging feeling within. I have tried to find the answer in reading the scriptures That perhaps, I might find a word for me. And today, I wake up still lonely, And wondered who exactly I was blaming for this I questioned the direction of my anger And I wondered if I really could express what the problem is after all this time. I gathered up all my complaints in a bucket And examined them one at a time. I looked them up to join up all the dots And draw a line on the graph... And there it was...as clear as the dawn. This was the issue: there is something I want with all my heart and here I am reaching for it. I was reaching, straining and couldn't reach it. ...

I sit to brood This time, my focus shifts to attraction and its different elements. I wonder why no one volunteers to take a walk with me anymore I wonder why my words are now so easily ignored I wonder when I became invisible I wonder when I stopped getting all the attention. I wonder at so many things. I ask so many questions. I compare my before and my now in that respect. And my heart readily wishes for the time past. How I wish I was the apple of these eyes once again. How I wish I held much importance that I can’t but be looked for. And then, comes the voice. It speaks loud and clear And again, I laugh at my folly. Yes, I had this. I had all the attention and care and pampering. Oh yes I did. But what changed? Yes. I guess that’s the big question. Isn’t it? The only thing that changed in me is that I grew. Yes. I grew. As bees are naturally attracted to nectar And flies naturally are attracted to sores, So humans are to the new and the shiny. Take gold. ...