It is A Lonely Path to Rest.

I have been depressed
I have been lonely
Trying to reach out but quite not doing it right;
Thrashing around and throwing tantrums
At everything I could find.
I have cried my eyes swollen
And have walked aimlessly just finding some relief.
I have tried to read.
Just anything to channel my energy from this nagging feeling within.
I have tried to find the answer in reading the scriptures
That perhaps, I might find a word for me.

And today,
I wake up still lonely,
And wondered who exactly I was blaming for this
I questioned the direction of my anger
And I wondered if I really could express what the problem is after all this time.
I gathered up all my complaints in a bucket
And examined them one at a time.
I looked them up to join up all the dots
And draw a line on the graph...
And there it was...as clear as the dawn.
This was the issue:
there is something I want with all my heart
and here I am reaching for it.
I was reaching, straining and couldn't reach it.
Hence, the frustration.

I have tried to reach out to others that I assume will understand
And maybe shed dome light on my problem
Or perhaps share my burden enough to relieve me
But it always ends up in misunderstandings
And sometimes, quarrels.
And then, I developed 'the attitude'
The attitude, meaning getting rebellious;
Almost leaving it all and giving up.
In this day, I believe, it is called quitting.
But today, that changed.
I understand today how lonely it gets toward rest

As I sit, my butt on the floor,
Crying out to the only one I know can save me from me
I realize again...he reminds me once more
That the way to the top is a lonely one.
My friend said to me yesterday that it is the one who cuts down the tree that expends energy
But at the scent of water,
the stump will definitely sprout.
So, the bashing and wrong sayings and misunderstanding
Are not necessarily on the negative...
Yes it hurts but as long as it sinks in
that I can't be uprooted from this genealogy
I will realize that its just a matter of time,
He who loves me will heal me
with the power from the water of life.

I see...
Yesterday, it was about gold; quality;
Today, it's all about maturity; perfection.
Same thing, different expressions.
I should expect not to be understood;
I should expect to feel lonely;
I should expect to be strained;
If I truly understand
what the father is working out in me.
As he couples me together, he teaches me;
He forces my mind to learn
and to understand how he does it;
That I may first do the same in me,
And then work it out in others.
I must understand that
Indeed, it is a lonely path to rest.