Olúwafèyíṣarámi

I wake up and stare at your tiny hands and feet. You stir and smile from your sleep revealing two little milk teeth. Infectious. I smile back, knowing you do not see me. but then you opened your eyes and just that instance you see me, your smile became wider. My Son! It's your birthday! And all the events of the past year came rushing back.  Hmmmmm.... Olúwatémilórùn. God, my satisfaction. 20.10.2020 You were born at the early hours of a very memorable day to many Nigerians.  Whoever knew that by the end of that day, the whole nation would sit weeping at the loss of many Nigerian youths?  Who knew that Lagos would be shaken to its foundations in just one day?  Who knew that Nigerian youths would be broken and hopes dashed this day? No one.  What started out as a good day quickly became a bloodbath at the Lekki tollgate.  As the night crawled in.... I could still hardly move but I was very aware of all that was going on.  And I had my team with me....

 Oh what joy! It bubbles from deep within and rises up, overflowing the banks of my being.  I can't even explain it.  Don't ask me why, because there isn't.  Don't ask me what,  because I can't tag it to one thing. Don't look at me like I'm crazy, even though I myself wonder if I am. Oh what joy! I have grown.  And I can't even begin to tell what I ate or who I spoke with because its a truckload of people and experiences.  Not just one thing. NO.  Look at me. I can shout from the rooftops "there isn't any harlot here, buddy!" You can sit around waiting for the harlot you saw yesteryear  And forget to ask yourself what a respectable man like you is looking for in a whorehouse. Oh, but that's not my focus today.  The light is on me. The light is in me. I am the light.  All the colours converge into me. I know who I am now. I see. I see me. I see you. Oh I see now the colours of the spectrum and the shades in between, unnamed, even uns...

 The first time you had a complaint about how I talk and it miraculously grew into a complaint on my lifestyle...I wondered.... Because it was borne out of a comparison with someone else you'd tagged "the ideal girl". Years have gone by  And I've grown to forgive and understand why you do what you do. And here we are again....Oh, not the same girl. But definitely the same ideals. And suddenly, the excuse this time is that you hate nagging?! Really???!!! Of all you could come up with? 🤣 Each time I think about it, my brain pauses for a second. And then laughter wan kee me. Abegi!  It's just amazing how we give excuses for the shit we're about to poop.  It's not about the nagging, and I'm not saying I do or not. Just saying that your complaint is a ruse. We all do this, sometimes.  We keep pointing fingers away from ourselves to hide our inadequacies and shortcomings. Until we are exposed; left without a hiding place so, it's either we face the sham...

 We so easily point at the mistake of those who have gone ahead; those who have fallen so visibly for all you see. His father, my aunt, that pastor! Anyone we had looked up to and have seemingly failed, we easily somehow know what they did wrong and why they managed to fail. The hilarious part is that though you see those mistakes, you fail to see the opportunities that presented itself to them and exposed that "tiny" flaw that caused a massive fall. So, dear brother, even though you talk about what you think you see that they could have done better, you are ill-prepared to deal with them yourself.  You have already failed because you do not see that you have a log in your eyes, yet you shout to everyone who wishes to listen that they have specks in theirs. Who are we kidding? Do you not know that It's just a matter of time before everyone sees  That you didn't fall far from the trees you were pointing at? Do you not see that,  You are them....? Do you not see, my de...

20/10/2020 The date many will not forget in a while. A very significant date to many youths in Nigeria.  That was the day I put to bed. In the midst of that chaos, I had my own personal crisis. I had a c-section. And it was successful. I had my husband with me through the surgery.... I heard your voice telling me to stay awake. You said it repeatedly, "Babe. Please stay awake for me. I beg you. Please don't go to sleep". And you held my hand and soothed my forehead just to keep me calm. And it was all I needed at that time....or so I thought until I saw the tiny being that was just extracted from my belly, wrapped up in a green cloth and screaming at the top of his lungs. Then, I knew there was always room for more. All I felt at that instant was love and gratitude.  The wait to reconnect with you and the baby was a totally different process.  And then not being able to move for almost a whole day didn't make it any easier. Little did I know what was to come.  There ...