Olúwafèyíṣarámi

There's a war out there that doesn't care about my feelings or struggles.  It is a war.  Its aim is to destroy. Frodo and company were chosen irrespective of their grievances.  They had to put sentiments and grievances aside to fight a common enemy. The key is together. An agreement. A fellowship. The Body Else the purpose of the company is lost; and we be earthly praised but eternally useless. We must never forget that our fellowship was beyond us;  but divinely orchestrated for a purpose.  That should be enough for me. Again, The key is together. An agreement. A fellowship. The Body Else, the purpose of the company is lost; and we be earthly praised but eternally useless.

Today, I felt it move. Just as beautifully as it moved yesterday. Oh the joy! The wonder! ... and you weren't here to feel with me. You missed this. You missed out on the little things because of pride; just because you are not willing to hear my voice. This I would have gladly shared with you but you're on a malice vendetta. Can you see what you're doing to you? Can you see what you're doing to us? Can you see the wall we're trying to breakdown? Can you see that you're strengthening this wall?

You may take much pride in yourself for never hitting a woman. Yes you may never have physically slapped or hit or punched her...and this gives you real pride that you are at least better than those who do. But you do love control like the rest of them. You can't control your anger like the rest of them. You apologize and beg afterwards like the rest of them. And if you do look deep, truth is that they are you. You are them. What drives you is the same. The only difference is in the expression.... The outlet... One is physical.... The other is emotional just to beat her into submission, into what you want her to be..... Not herself.... But a version of the you you're trying to run from. Look again. You are them. They who made you hate this version of you; you are them who you criticize and never want to be like. Look again and you'll see the hypocrisy in you. You are the wife beater, the obsessive boyfriend, the control freak. You are the beast.

The beast is in every man All it waits for is an opportunity to present itself And the other side is manifested. It's so easily suppressed when opportunity is far Yet easy to point at another and criticize When his own opportunity is near. But time and chance happens to every man. What is in man will be made manifest. I have made this mistake far too many times. You have insulted me far more than anyone I have known. I can point to your speck because I have conquered my log. I have seen the beast in me and it is easy to recognize in another, even if suppressed. It is the way. The only way. It is the way of love. It is the way of empathy. It is the place of wisdom. It is never the place for knowledge. Knowledge still has a lot to learn without knowing it does.  Knowledge is light that has not become one with you. It is selfish. It puffs up. It thinks its way is the way things should be done. This is why it will always think it knows, and seeks for the praise of man...

The mind works in wonderful ways. We run from our fears by building a defense against possible sources of threats [and chances of being hurt] and attacking the source of the possible threat. You fear losing her. you are afraid that she will reject you. And in other to protect yourself against that, you push her away [rejecting her before she does it to you], so that her chances of rejecting you is slim. But you forget that underlying the fear of rejection is the fear that you may lose her. And pushing her away is a sure good way of losing her.  Nobody likes rejection. It has never been easy to take rejection. It was never designed to be pleasant. But it was designed to be a tool of learning, and of growth.  Now, after protecting yourself, you lose her.  You lose every gist, every detail of all that you could have shared. You are not heart broken, but you are still shattered. What you fear, you have become the architect who made it happen. This learning...

If this isn't love, then what is? Fifteen years is no joke, the many years we've been friends and then some. I remember that we were introduced by a mutual friend and then we were reading partners and then you became a friend I could rely on to tell me the truth come what may. I remember .... We were dating at the time. We had a meeting where we, along with another "couple" were to decide on the theme for the next meeting. We were  the only two couples in the fellowship at  the time. Somehow, we came up with the theme, reconciliation. This theme led us to do loads of research and even writings. It was a lot of work but we did well. Little did we know that this word we declared would test us.... Everything we supposedly learnt during this time, came back to check if they were mere words or if we truly believed. Fights came up, offenses rared it's head and each of us even had to go back to his/her tent to reset. We split from couples to individuals, we some...

I wake up each day with an awareness of the drama around me. I am not blind to the emotions, neither am I without my own emotions and questions. Some things I know, other things, I am just learning. The things I know, I do because someone taught me. Who I have become, someone had to bear the shame for me; had to shed blood; had to carry a cross, to be misunderstood, hated, lied on and fought off....... just because He saw the One in me. I call him my mentor. But, oh, he is my father. For the One, he will do everything necessary....unless I stopped being a potential son. What is the point of making an exception when it will make no difference? What is the point of loving you, when all you see is pain? What is the sense in taking you by the arm even though you have legs, when all you will see is frustration that is being deliberately inflicted? What then is the point in it all? What is the point when all you see is me deliberately trying to throw you under the bus? How can we be anyth...