chaos in the house on the rock!
I sit in the field of an old school watching the life around me.
The brownish green leaves individually moving to different music,the individual branches in turn dance to a different tune while the main trunk bows and sways to its own song.the sky is so bright and the sun shines down.everything around me looks peaceful but then I know I have to return to the chaos of my home. Who do I tell? What do I say? How much do I even know?
The system that I frowned and walked away from years ago has come to haunt me. It was easy walking out then because you tell yourself that you really have nothing to lose.when serving God becomes more of a burden of rules than a convinction and indwelling of the spirit, there is a problem. For me,it was never about anyone but me and my God. He speaks continually and I try to follow.
Now, there is a major problem. The same cycle again and this time, the people I love so much and call brothers and sisters are giving me reasons to re-think if they ever were in the position I placed them. I feel like I belong to a clique of people who have hearts for God and want to get it right but are so crippled by the fear of either shame or exposure.so we all do things in secret and come home to hug ourselves and lift up holy hands.then I ask myself: where is the brotherhood? Where is the love we profess? If I find it easy to be naked physically and yet find it hard to be open in my heart, then I question: is this a physical gathering? If yes, why do abstract things to call upon an unseen deity?
I think the problem I have is that I don't know how to play politics.I don't know how not to be too straight forward so there will always be some rift if I do not act dumb or withdraw entirely.I cannot and will not be a part of this pretentious house. The house of the lord will definitely be built. And it starts with solid foundations. I know we all have issues to settle and questions we shut up in our throats unspoken; but my prayer is that each of these ones that I have come to love as my own siblings, He will wrought his ways in us all so much so that we come forth refined as gold so that. He can use us to build. God will never settle for less than the set standard of His plan. We know that;but...
I am who I am.of a mix I cannot fully define but my being stands for truth. What comes into us doesn't defile us.it is more of what is already inside of us that defiles. I am not trying to get acceptance anywhere.I am who He says I am and will be all He says I will be. It is all about who I am. He has to help me to become what He has purposed me to be...but not by my trying or struggling to be but by allowing Him to take the wheel.
I am here away from the chaos enjoying the breeze and the harmony of the trees in the field.and I am just here thanking God for the opportunity to have this as an alternative. A haven. A sanitarium.
The brownish green leaves individually moving to different music,the individual branches in turn dance to a different tune while the main trunk bows and sways to its own song.the sky is so bright and the sun shines down.everything around me looks peaceful but then I know I have to return to the chaos of my home. Who do I tell? What do I say? How much do I even know?
The system that I frowned and walked away from years ago has come to haunt me. It was easy walking out then because you tell yourself that you really have nothing to lose.when serving God becomes more of a burden of rules than a convinction and indwelling of the spirit, there is a problem. For me,it was never about anyone but me and my God. He speaks continually and I try to follow.
Now, there is a major problem. The same cycle again and this time, the people I love so much and call brothers and sisters are giving me reasons to re-think if they ever were in the position I placed them. I feel like I belong to a clique of people who have hearts for God and want to get it right but are so crippled by the fear of either shame or exposure.so we all do things in secret and come home to hug ourselves and lift up holy hands.then I ask myself: where is the brotherhood? Where is the love we profess? If I find it easy to be naked physically and yet find it hard to be open in my heart, then I question: is this a physical gathering? If yes, why do abstract things to call upon an unseen deity?
I think the problem I have is that I don't know how to play politics.I don't know how not to be too straight forward so there will always be some rift if I do not act dumb or withdraw entirely.I cannot and will not be a part of this pretentious house. The house of the lord will definitely be built. And it starts with solid foundations. I know we all have issues to settle and questions we shut up in our throats unspoken; but my prayer is that each of these ones that I have come to love as my own siblings, He will wrought his ways in us all so much so that we come forth refined as gold so that. He can use us to build. God will never settle for less than the set standard of His plan. We know that;but...
I am who I am.of a mix I cannot fully define but my being stands for truth. What comes into us doesn't defile us.it is more of what is already inside of us that defiles. I am not trying to get acceptance anywhere.I am who He says I am and will be all He says I will be. It is all about who I am. He has to help me to become what He has purposed me to be...but not by my trying or struggling to be but by allowing Him to take the wheel.
I am here away from the chaos enjoying the breeze and the harmony of the trees in the field.and I am just here thanking God for the opportunity to have this as an alternative. A haven. A sanitarium.
Comments
Post a Comment