the annulment

I can't believe that some dude in this day and age could take back a marriage proposal just because I have a mind of my own and have things I could want outside of him. That's so f**king unbelievable! A friend that I have always held in high esteem because of his rare ideas and the way he sees things...that's who he is. My friend. Oh my lost friend. I weep for him. 

There was a joke on ground for weeks on end while he was waiting for a definite answer to his proposal...he always told me that once I said 'yes', I will cease to exist as me and all my ideas and opinions will kinda just be automatically swallowed by his. Awesome! I guess the word that comes to mind is 'robot'. Well, I thought it was a joke until he said it like 4times after then. Hmmm...dude, question is, y don't u just get a robot? Or worse, get a picture and some recording so u won't be talked back at. Come on! We r friends here. I have a right to my own opinions and ideas. Anyway, the bomb dropped finally when he realized that the plan I had for my life in accordance to my beliefs is quite the opposite of what he had in mind. And I so wasn't ready to bend. How can I? In case u do not get it. I'll explain it to you. They always say its easier to marry someone that shares the same beliefs as you. Well, it looked pretty easy a choice, you'd say but you see I always had some doubt in my gut. And love can be many things...its definitely not unsure. Its true that we sit to listen to the same teachings but now I am know that not everyone who seems to be listening has ears to hear. I have learnt that lesson well. Now I know. The main bone of contention was that the word or personal convictions that I had from and with my God, he said to discount and take up whatever his own personal beliefs or convictions were even though they were totally parallel. There was no way they will meet. Our paths in God as we know Him was completely different. In all my journey in God and with Him, what he was asking of me was so not ethical. If I agreed to it, I'm sure to be flogged by God himself. Just kidding. But the consequence will most definitely be grave. It will almost equal me dropping all that the Lord has entrusted to me and choosing a man just because he did propose to me! Well, even though I badly wanted to be proposed to, there are some things I love more and won't trade for anything. Before the guy came on the scene, He was. And he loved me in spite of my filth and flaws. 

He molded me into this unique being that was now being proposed to....come on! One deserves so much more reverence! Who are u for me to drop all and follow u? Abeg Shove ur proposal right up ur fu**ing arse! And you know what? That is not all. He withdrew his proposal and demoted it to friendship...which was cool by me...or not. We had moved beyond mere friends and it will be hard for me to go back there. I am used to advancing; not retrogressing! And as though that wasn't enough, his words took another turn, hauling insults whenever he gets the chance... And really, I don't mind. Y should I? We only speak from what we know and where we are. As long as we do it in line with God's word to you personally and with those the Lord has given to you. Now I'm back on track. Noises muted, distractions at bay. Lessons learnt well, I am ready to forge ahead. I'm amazed how I can see that all of this is just so that I can learn that my fears and God's awesomeness can never be on the same level. He is far above all. And every thing I love about this guy here, I can look at it well now and be able to locate it in someone else. Its not about personality. I needed to learn something. And I have. So, once again, I can't hold a grudge. I see the higher power at work. Toward me as well as towards my darling. If I can see that, it helps me keep love in mind through it all irrespective of what he does or says. I step beyond the drama. So many things may have changed but some things will never change. I pray you come to terms with the lessons the Lord is taking you through. I may have hurt you but I did what I knw as the best. I won't apologize for it but I know someday it all will make sense...