The end of a perfectly short romance.

I once told u to wish me luck about going out with this friend that's been there for ages...but bores me stiff. Well, he kinda got side-tracked by some dude who apparently has been a friend since last year....we had a fight. I'm sure u remember him. My dear Akan. Well, he came back after quite a while and we made up... Well, Akan is a lot of things I always wanted. And when the issue of a relationship came up, maybe it just felt so natural to give it a try. And for some mad reason, I was so bent on making it work...and I was so excited that I told friends but I didn't want to be the secret lover, so he had to talk to some of my friends and in no time we were set to go. The only thing left was for us to see and for me to say the perfect word in agreement: 'yes!' In-between, we had a fight that I can't remember what it was about but Akan started acting up. He became somewhat distant. I wonder.....is he perhaps changing his mind so soon? Or is he just tired of waiting around to hear the word? Or does he just doubt that I'm ever going to agree to him? Welll, I'm gonna have to find out now, don't I? With anxiety in my heart, I called to let him know I'd be seeing him for lunch. My heart sank when he replied curtly : "no problem. But u may have to hurry to make it before 4. I have a meeting at my house by then". Confused, I askd "what meeting?" He replied, "just some meeting. Can't tell you since there's no commitment to me from you yet". Rolling my eyes. What has that got to do with anything? Anyway, I tried to hurry but got to the house at 3. Not bad. We had an hour to talk. Okayyyy. 

I knocked on his door and he greeted me with the widest smile and deepest dimple I could imagine. I was torn between relaxing and fleeing. Was this not the same dude I spoke with on the phone like an hour ago? Scary! We hugged and words dried up on my tongue. My throat got parched. I just couldn't talk. So I just joked around the space of the house, and then relaxed a bit. He served lunch and I ate. Then, we talked...long and serious...about life. It got so serious that he had to down some vodka...we played around for a bit and then...the hour came for my answer. Oh by the way, he cancelled the meeting he was supposed to have...whatever it was. We sat there and he dropped the bomb. And no, it wasn't the proposal...it was the clause that followed. As a rule for him, there were things I had to do to prove to him that I really wanted it... I looked up at him like I didn't hear him right. The question is, would I do certain things to prove to him that I belong to him....like show something to prove my commitment (physically, an act of intimacy)? My thought was that those who had proven the same him over the years, where were they? How valid is the proof you seek? Personally, that was the end of it for me. I tried to reason and make him see from my own perspective too but...it was his condition; the passport. From my own experiences, what he proposed was an impossible task for me. I had tried it in all my previous relationships and realize that that was the major flop. 

For the first time in my life, I wasn't going to go that route. I just can't. And I said as much. I wish words were so golden that they could just be taken as said but, he did try to persuade me to compromise...quite forcefully, I might add. So, as you can imagine, we had a big fight. Almost clawing each other's eyes out with the words we were spitting. Eventually, we had to retire. There were no more words, no more strength, and the issue wasn't moving away. No way forward. But at least we could go back. Or had we treaded the shores of no return? Could we ever be friends again after this? I can't believe that my friend could be this backward in his thinking. Or insensitive. Or so insecure. Since there was no going forward and I couldn't take his ring, he gladly and hastily took his proposal back; pocketing his ring....that was the end of a perfectly short romance. 

The end...but another beginning... Somewhere, somehow, when a door closes, a window seems to open up. A new window of opportunities, a new dawn, a new life! Now, back to my friend of old, who as the case is doesn't have a clue about these happenings, is still here and now have summoned up the courage at a proposal. Hmmmn...don't say I'm bad. I feel bad enough that it sounds like he is some door mat or something but, all I'm saying and emphasizing is his consistency in my life. Our friendship has been for so long but I wouldn't even think to take advantage of that. I cherish our friendship far more than that and maybe a tad scared to cross over that boundary between friendship and more than friends. So, like I said before, wish me luck. But I wouldn't say yes just to make him a rebound. I must make sure I am well over Akan to move on and start well. Cheers to another beginning! It came along with a new year. Cheers!