Can I see the war?

The turnaround

I will not for any reason lower the standard that the Lord has called me to and relate with the people he has called ‘my people’ as though they were just ordinary people. If I look keenly at it all, I will realize that I did not just meet them by chance and neither does anything that happens with them happen by chance. If I know this, then it will shape my thinking and I will not belittle it to ‘age’, ‘size’, class and the likes. All of that still shows that I do not see what is going on and there is no way I can appreciate all those that surround me if I do not see them a the resources I need for my own individual growth and development.

If I backtrack just a little bit, my appreciation will know no bounds. If I can look and see the words he had spoken from the beginning to me as a person and then to us as a people, I will realize at some point in my journey, the point of intersection between the two. I will realize that there is a point where everything fuses into one. There is that point where it all begins to make sense.

For days now, I see the things that you have been teaching me all points me back to your initial word. That point when I found love. The very best wine. That point when I knew no other to compare you with and all I had was the best I could ever wish for. I do remember. And all the days after, you have explained in phases these things you have opened my eyes to….and just as suddenly, I realize that these eyes have never been used before. I see, however dimly but I know it can only get clearer. And for all those you have surrounded me with, I know it all is fitting as you are fitting me in.

How can I be anything, breathe anything, say anything if I do not even know who I am or who he says I am?

This one thing has really been on my mind…if his initial plan was one thing and because of my own frailties and weaknesses, he made me go through another route just to break me and mould me into what he had purposed me to be and my mind is so latched on the mistakes of my past and on my weaknesses and on all that happened to get back on my feet and not see the God behind it all and his initial plan that he wants to make happen by all means and quickly adjust and be a tuned to be a part of that work, then I really would be useless for him in every way.

And unless I see that, I will never be able to understand that each lesson I had to learn had to be through someone who was also in the process of learning some lessons as well. I just have to look beyond the person to what is really happening. I have to learn to look at what the person is to me and what is to be achieved and irrespective of the mistakes, the fights, the hurts , the quarrels and even the good times, I must still be able to see what we should be. That is the one thing that must not be touched, it is the one thing that should not be altered. That is the yardstick.

Love knows no bounds; we are not yet there. I am not there yet either but definitely on my way. I am reaching out to maturity…I am becoming. It is a journey but the good thing is that at least I see the ideal. Love has nothing to do with deeds…what you do or do not do doesn’t matter. What matters most is one thing. What is the definition of what we have and how does it fit into the picture of the first? That is the yardstick.

I do not want him to deal with me like he did the Isrealites who because of the hardness of their hearts, he had to look for a plan B to deal with them. He gave them the Law and the earlier promises of Abraham faded into the distance but that remained theutmost plan. That was the yardstick. It still is the yardstick. I would rather be a part of this great work and die ding it than not be a part at all.