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THE QUESTIONS of the BEGINNING
I have always felt that I was special to God...I always was assured within me of his special interest and love towards me as an individual. And every single day, I wake up with something to look forward to...walking in the awesomeness of that presence...the confidence of just knowing that he is there with me.

And everyday, all I wanted was to love him more and know him more....I wanted to see him face to face and embrace him. I wanted to move beyond the abstractness of the unseen to the 'physicality' of the seen. I wanted to bridge the gap between the him I knew personally and the abstract and almighty being that was taught in sunday school. And I went in search of him...and day by day, the more I knew, the more I needed to know....so much so that I had to get to redefine all that I knew.

A redefinition of all that I thot I knew.

I grew up learning first abt good and bad.
What is good? If I know this, then I know what is bad. Right?
Where did the knowledge of good and bad spring from?
Is that the ultimate?
So if I do good, I will go to heaven? In other words, if I do bad, I go to hell. Right?
Hmm...

So where does Christ come into the picture?
Without him, I can boast of being good. But does that make me a candidate of heaven? Just wondering.

If I read my Bible, do I stop at John 3 where he was all about being born again or do I pursue further to know what all of that truly means?

Do I read my thoughts into the bible or do I really open my mind to know who he is? If my mind is truly open, why can't I see myself in Paul's story? Why can't I see that most of what he said was a breakdown and a furtherance of all that christ came to lay as the foundation? Why didn't the other disciples see this revelation?

As bad as it seemed paul was, he was given this wisdom....does this mean that what we look at is not what God is looking at?
Does this mean that my idea of being good/bad is faulty?
What exactly is the essence of Christ?
If it is all about grace, then why is my emphasis still on good/bad?
Is the reason why I try to be good so that I may boast in my flesh or efforts? Where then is God in all of this? What seperates me then from being a muslim, hindu, bhuddist, traditional worshipper or even a satanist as long as I am doing good?
What should make me a christian? Who does God really reckon with as his own?

Is it really about being good or being godly?
Is it really about me or about God?
Who really am I worshiping? Me or God?

What is normal? If God was content with all he thought Moses, why did he send Christ?what was more that he wanted us to learn that he showed Paul to teach us? Why are we still here? If God had said all there was to be said in the bible, then do we serve a dumb God or a God that has spoken but neva speaks anymore? How do I define my God? If he is progressive and still speaking, what is he saying now? What is his emphasis in this present time and how do I become a part of it?

Without these basic questions, it shows that my basis is faulty...and I need to start right back from the beginning so I can find the right path.

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