A lost soul

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Can it just be me?
Can this smile break free without tears?
Can this sunshine just last a moment on me?
Breaking free from the known
All traditions giving way painfully
Cutting me in places I never thought possible.
Slicing me and tearing me to bits without remorse
Bruises, blood and a reminder of how cold death could be.
Deep, I know. but it is just how I felt being ripped apart.
My screams still resonating in my ears...
Yet, I'm alive.
I breathe....or at least try and keep trying.

This is a new phase
So I have been told
And with it all my emotions break free
I am raw
I am overwhelmed
I am lost
I feel things anew, even things never thought possible.
All that I had cried about, starts to ease
But my mind just fails to understand the change
Things that normally would have just been, now I am questioning
Things that should make my smile burst, I am afraid to embrace
I am so lost in the many years of lack that I do not remember how to embrace this much
Or should I?
How exactly should I?
I honestly do not know, even the littlest of things elude me.
I am but a lost soul once again.

Words, that is all I have right now
Even at that, written, not spoken for the fear of raindrops
The flood is right behind these lids at the slightest touch of wind.
I am so full of it...yet I am at peace.
I guess my mind is just too small to contain all of it.
I love your smile,
Oh yes, I do.
I love that you love me.
But the test is almost here.
Yes, Hold me, just for today.
Please hold me and do not let go.
I feel so lost.

But again I ask,
Within all the drama we have known here
Wouldn't that complicate matters?
Isn't this friendship having root as it should, finally?
Honestly, I do not know.
Please, he who has eyes, let him explain it to me.
Because, of all the reasons that have been given,
I see none.
I do not get it.
I am so lost.
Yet again, I have to learn to let go
I have to just be me.
I am reminding me to do what I always do.
I am not afraid anymore.
And I do not raise my hopes either.
What will be will be.
It had never been about me or what I want.
Even my debts isn't about me.
It is all about you.
And all I represent is in you.
I give it all up and bleed some more.
My harvest and through my tears, I sow back to you.




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