Wishlist 101

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Where do i turn?
To whom do I cry?
To those who want to hear me and be there for me?
Or do I just trust this phase?
I'm scared it will leave me a certain way....
And I don't want to snap.
I want to be able to open my heart....
Thats my cry.

I've opened something in me again
Something I thought had died.
I'm scared of it
But I'm embracing it.
You asked that I did.
And I am.
This new terrain
I'm learning anew
Still it looks like every step towards it
Is many steps away from reaching it.
So it's hurting me all over again.
Breaking my heart to tiny bits. .
Only now it's easier and shorter to shutdown.
Easier from having being stripped like that too many times.

Wish I could talk to you about it
Wish I could be less guarded than you.
Wish I could be myself and fling myself in trust
Wish I could make my decision known now.
Wish you could hold me and tell me you understand
Wish you could see me without taking offence
Wish u could see that my struggles have nothing to do with you.
Or my feelings towards you.
Wish you knew that some things are settled already
This extra we should become is what's at stake...
Wish you do not regret asking the sweetest question of all
Wish you hadn't killed the joy in those words
Wish you knew how the words give me hope each day towards a future I know not
Wish you did love me
Wish you didn't have to be so machoistic, justifying every reason for your actions.
Wish you could be sincere about your attractions and lusts
Wish you knew how I would gladly be open
First kiss and all...
Wish truth will purge us of all self preservation.

So I'm here.
Facing the unknown
Every where I look, a mystery to be unraveled
Wondering if you will be a part of it
Wondering if you will come with your baggage
Or if you'll drop it.
My answer is just around the corner
But drama brews just beneath the surface.

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