The beach's balm

-

The isolated beach helped clear my mind and hear you right.
Helped calm my anger and help me focus.
Reminded me of what it is to have a life without you
And to appreciate the gift of life.
The deep blue sea, the palm trees that line the shore...

I sit at the foot of one of the palm trees
In the shadow of the fronds
I sit staring at at the ocean, with tears streaming down my face
What did I do wrong?
Why do I open myself so wide and get hurt so deep?
I have a lot on my mind and do not know which hurts the deepest.
I am just like the raging waters, wild but confined by its shores.
Colorful, but constrained by light.
I search deep within and table my heart, laying it all bare
Leaving nothing uncovered

You
Implying that I am a fraud hurts way deeper than any cursed word you could spit
That's what cuts.....because I loved you.
And would have interceded without your asking...
But you reminded me just today that if I was sent, they should have told me that we all have freewill....
And you are right.
It is your life and your choice no matter how much love I have for you
I had no reason to let my love go that far....
I opened myself up way too wide to someone who doesn't give a sh*t.

You
Trying to trick me into a life that I didn't bargain for
Your subtle lies cut deep
Making me wonder if you have any love in you.
What warped love is this?
That uses marriage as bait?
I said yes too soon to a man who doesn't give a cr*p how to cover me.

You
Covered your ears to all my shouts
Plugged your nose from my smelly mouth.
You disrespected me because of unseen results...
And went the way the mum can only point to you.
You have opened the door that I have no access to shut.
On your own, of your own free will, you chose this path.
And though spiteful you think you are, you alone will lie on the bed you have laid.
I love you my brother but wonder if I could have shouted a little louder.

Oh the beach.
Just me and the noise of the waves.
Mirroring the turmoil within.
Just me and my thoughts...and tears
Appreciating the gift of life.
I am glad I had this gift just at this time.

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