JUNE

Indepth reflection
Taking stock of events....
December....through June.
Finding my areas of deviation
And hoping for restoration.

All I want to do is run and hide
Away from you, from your words
From your face.
I laid my heart out, vulnerable; bare.
A first of so many long years.
I had hoped for something different, mature.
A reason to allow someone else be strong for me.
Rather than do it all on my own, as always.
Now I laugh.
How wrong. How stupid. How near impossible.

I look back on last night's convo
And I see for the first time.
It was all wind.
After six long months of priming,
May was just a dream; a fantasy of some sort.
A stillborn...
I guess I wished you to be real.
Hoped for some miracle in you.
But I guess you will tell the same tale.
It was never what you intended.

So, I pack up bags that were never packed.
I cry with the rains of June,
Shedding buckets like floods in the streets,
The rest of my stuff....
Me, shattered bits of glass.
The wind that blew never strong enough to scatter them
Every single bit of my fragile self
Shall be mended....because I know how.
I always break; not a first.
But I mend well.
I heal from within, out.
That is a part no one....not even you has been able to touch.