Who says I am not grateful? Who sees the depth of my heart? Through the bleeding and the crushing, I am grateful because this new me emerged. Can you see her? Or do you look through the old lenses?
Am I there yet? Hell no. I am still healing but I see, Oh I see. I am free. I forgive. I see only possibilities, and deal in love....not just knowledge. I understand now how painful change is and the struggle of not doing things my way. Oh I see. I spent hours basking in your love and enjoying your company. Oh, I see it all now and I am grateful because all of these (including my supposed mistakes) was all a part of the plan. Thank you for your mercies and grace. Thank you for not counting iniquity and for teaching me the same. Thank you for wisdom. Or I would have lost it yesterday with Banni. He has no clue at all what he means to me....to us...to himself. But he can't see it. He is blinded by options and distractions and rage and confusion...but truth lurks just beneath all that rubble. If only I could, I would...just for him.
Another milestone. And I came willing, with open arms. A clean slate and another chance. We can't dance around forever, trying not to fight....and trying to talk and make decisions with you [on the same page] is not working either. But we have come this far. All for what? I can't do this alone. I am afraid now. I am too aware of pain. And the reality of being rejected over and over again.
Am I there yet? Hell no. I am still healing but I see, Oh I see. I am free. I forgive. I see only possibilities, and deal in love....not just knowledge. I understand now how painful change is and the struggle of not doing things my way. Oh I see. I spent hours basking in your love and enjoying your company. Oh, I see it all now and I am grateful because all of these (including my supposed mistakes) was all a part of the plan. Thank you for your mercies and grace. Thank you for not counting iniquity and for teaching me the same. Thank you for wisdom. Or I would have lost it yesterday with Banni. He has no clue at all what he means to me....to us...to himself. But he can't see it. He is blinded by options and distractions and rage and confusion...but truth lurks just beneath all that rubble. If only I could, I would...just for him.
Another milestone. And I came willing, with open arms. A clean slate and another chance. We can't dance around forever, trying not to fight....and trying to talk and make decisions with you [on the same page] is not working either. But we have come this far. All for what? I can't do this alone. I am afraid now. I am too aware of pain. And the reality of being rejected over and over again.
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