Guilt?

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It's amazing how we do one thing and to take attention of us....or maybe just in the bid to feel less guilty, we point to silly things in another person.

In my head, I hear the loud voice of the pastor through the loudspeakers, "Brother, remove the log in your eyes before removing the speck in someone else's". 
And I smile. I have seen him do this before. Somewhere in my heart, I am almost sure he is guilty of something. 

Hmmmm........ I wonder ...

I wake up and suddenly, every word has some hole to prod and pick on. With raised brows, I listen to the words you refuse to say to my face. I try to imagine the expression behind the text messages. And again, I am all too sure that this cannot be the case. What eats you lie deep within the skin. Perhps, a guilt you carry and refuse to divulge?

These eyes see......I see you. ...

A little boy in a grown man's body. A little boy crying to be heard and to belong somewhere. A boy misunderstood and craving his father's respect and mother's love. Yet with one choice, became an exile....living with a father who was more interested in his new found toy-girl, and ignored by a mother who felt betrayed by his choice to live with the father. But if he hadn't, would the father ever see the need to cater for the rest of the kids? Will the man ever feel obligated to see the children through school and be involved in their lives? Truth is, he wouldn't. The little boy was that bridge. He was the buffer. He took all the bashing for the sake of peace. 

You are that little boy, my brother. You. How ever can you learn to receive love? How can you learn to embrace truth? How can you learn to trust in a love that will stand by you? 

How can you love me?

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