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the turnaround: the help i need.

My fears ebb My tears pour My heart is glad For the joy of the morning ignites my heart The light of the beginning Makes me tingle; And my eyes are bright with enlightenment. I am glad that I belong to this family I am glad I belong to the Christ. I will die daily, throw myself into the deepest pits And surrender to all that this dealing will entail I will endure and Lord I do pray you help me. That my confidence does not dim and my heart not forget This truth you shared with me from the start Help me not to forget that first love. Help me not to want an inferior wine. I have tasted of this wine And my heart wants none other. I want you and all that is you. Help me. Help me get there.
The turnaround I will not for any reason lower the standard that the Lord has called me to and relate with the people he has called ‘my people’ as though they were just ordinary people. If I look keenly at it all, I will realize that I did not just meet them by chance and neither does anything that happens with them happen by chance. If I know this, then it will shape my thinking and I will not belittle it to ‘age’, ‘size’, class and the likes. All of that still shows that I do not see what is going on and there is no way I can appreciate all those that surround me if I do not see them a the resources I need for my own individual growth and development. If I backtrack just a little bit, my appreciation will know no bounds. If I can look and see the words he had spoken from the beginning to me as a person and then to us as a people, I will realize at some point in my journey, the point of intersection between the two. I will realize that there is a point where everythi...

Tall, dark and handsome

Behind our every mask Lies the true man Waiting for expression We take pains to polish up  That those colors may be presentable and acceptable; we do well to hide the details we will rather have unseen.  Tall, you walk, Your skin, a polished chocolate; But underneath the smooth exterior Lies the rubble that you will rather present as a building Carefully packaged and adorned. I have become your mirror; The perfection you always want to see. So when you bend, you see me bend A mirror that hides well all your imperfections. How could anyone say that you lack the true capacity to love? But isn't what drives you the emotions you see in your reflection? You feed on it, drink it and dote on it until it becomes what you seem to believe. A prototype of the image you want to see.  Tall, dark and handsome, My polished prince, Who are you underneath the dross? Like an onion, layered in tears; Yet there's the unsettling need to win someone over Someone to ...

resolution: "always and forever"

I have resolved in my heart  just because that's who I am  and that's what I profess.  I find in my heart no animosity  and no grudge against whatever I term as past.  Its all in the past.  there is nothing to be angry about.    There's nothing left but pity and peace.  I think I could have handled things a little differently  but in all, I am thankful.  Its not easy to give all of yourself  All of the time But try I would. All i feel is love. I love you like I always did- Maybe with a little twist, but I do. just like I loved those before you. what brought me here? I just figured that there's nothing Absolutely  nothing you have done  that supersedes where I'm coming from. and yet I did forgive. I did see where I went wrong. And I let go. This also I would do now I choose not to look at the person but to...

I want my life back!

There's a song I really like by Beyonce that somewhat sums up how I've felt for years. I've been married for 7yrs now but I have no life of my own. Somewhere along the line, I guess I have lost myself.... recently, I've been doing some craft work that everyone seems to love and the turn-out has been pretty amazing. And I've had support here and there...I'm so happy. I just wish my husband could be a little supportive and appreciative of me... This is the song: Listen to the song here in my heart A melody I start but can't complete Listen to the sound from deep within It's only beginning to find release Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard They will not be pushed aside and turned Into your own all 'cause you won't Listen Listen, I am alone at a crossroads I'm not at home in my own home And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind You should have known Oh, now I'm done believing you You don't know what I'm ...

A fix dubbed love

What other color do I wear? How do I uncover the facade of yesterday Beneath the mask of Friday? How does the color of my actions Not clash with my parade of expressions? I stutter within my streaming tears Where exactly do I begin this story? I sniffed back boggle Still you were blind and deaf  Beyond control, in rage; Even my flesh couldn't be spared from more More of the bruises you imprinted.  A demonstration of love, is it? And you ask me to stay. what for? To bear the pain? Why will I? When I have my place of solace. A light; the womb of many colors;  That place deep within, untouched and untouchable;  You profess love, but is it? Or a gradual process of death? A very very selfish and obsessive mind. That's not love.  Its just you wanting to take by all means And rape your way through, Just to boost your ego. But does it help? Without all the charade, what's left of you? Go look in the mirror.  U want to get high on me? I ...

Ghost

GHOST In circles, life revolves Round and right back Bigger and more complicated. Invisible, I take notes. The observer, shrinking beneath my skin, Frozen under my smiling mask. A ghost, Sweeping in the wind. I glide. Moving across the room. Right here, again Blowing you kisses, Screaming to be heard, Hoping to be thawed, Yearning to be seen. Yet, I remain me. The secret by your side.