Tried & Tired

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I thought  posted this a long time ago. just found it in my archive.

Can one struggle against the waters and succeed?
Can one swim against the tide without tiring out?
My words fail me
And the little things of joy I feel
I lack the enthusiasm to share
Some mechanism in me squashes it.
I try to bring up my questions
But they r absurd to the ears
Tell me then, wouldn't it be wise to drown?

Mistakes?
Everyone has made them.
But it is what we do with them that sets us apart
Rahab till date is still to many, a prostitute
And David, a murderer.
No matter what I do right,
I can't erase my mistakes.
I can only make sure I don't repeat them.
But some people's god given talent
Is just to remind me of those things
While the others are left to encourage.

Right now,
Like right now now,
I wish I had the words to speak
And the ears to hear me.
I wish I could be so vulnerable
and not have to be goddamn strong all the time.
I wish everyone sees
my foolishness, the fuel of my projection
If only they could see &learn from it...

I envy many....but I'm me.
I will learn to draw strength from that....
I just wish there was that one person...
just one that I could draw strength from right now.

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