Olúwafèyíṣarámi

GHOST In circles, life revolves Round and right back Bigger and more complicated. Invisible, I take notes. The observer, shrinking beneath my skin, Frozen under my smiling mask. A ghost, Sweeping in the wind. I glide. Moving across the room. Right here, again Blowing you kisses, Screaming to be heard, Hoping to be thawed, Yearning to be seen. Yet, I remain me. The secret by your side.

I've often wondered how I would feel if I just caught a glimpse of you. I always wondered how awkward it would be or if I will just be sad or moody. I was amazed how wrong I was. Fine, it was awkward at first. But I was happy. It was nice to see you. I even still had some flip-flops in my tummy for a few seconds or minutes... But it quieted down after a while. I thought I would be mad. Mad at you or mad at myself for whatever reason but I'm so relieved that there was absolutely none of that to deal with. All that remains is a peace from within, knowing that I did the right thing. Secretly, I admire your stance; and I'm impressed at the quietness of the storm within. Still, I hope I made it a lot easier for you to breathe. Irrespective of the way things are, my stand and me remain the same. Nothing's changed. Not even what I feel. It all remains untouched by the whole drama...I am surprised. There's a peace that surpasses all understanding. Now I have a glimpse...

You have no idea where I'm coming from Or how my journey has been. Hell, you damn well have no right to judge me Cos you do not know me. Feel free to blow your self righteous trumpet. But for some of us, there's absolutely nothing left Nothing to boast about but how broken it has left us. And how the brokenness has brought me here. I'm a testimony and I know it Without proof, there's much more.... A baggage of sorts yet to know about me. Still, the most important things, stay pending. Breaking rules just to make you see To understand the imperfection that lies beneath the skin. And the brave-front shield. A defence against the need to be covered. A smokescreen. Hiding the essentials way beneath the shroud. What do you see when you look at me? Brokenness or the beauty of it? Can you stomach seeing these processes? Or even allow it break your heart enough to love me? Will you take my hand and walk with me? Clearly not. So, if this is not des...

Living in reality Not having to contend with unnecessary warm pleasantries With being cordial or perfect, suffering while smiling... Just be u Not trying so hatd to impress Having noticeable flaws Having weaknesses Being imperfect yet striving to be Is the perfection that makes u human. Your flaws are there, tolerated or just ignored They could be irritating or simply interesting Either way, it doesn't really matter. Someone loves u just the way u are. U are all that really matters. Love thyself!

I once told u to wish me luck about going out with this friend that's been there for ages...but bores me stiff. Well, he kinda got side-tracked by some dude who apparently has been a friend since last year....we had a fight. I'm sure u remember him. My dear Akan. Well, he came back after quite a while and we made up... Well, Akan is a lot of things I always wanted. And when the issue of a relationship came up, maybe it just felt so natural to give it a try. And for some mad reason, I was so bent on making it work...and I was so excited that I told friends but I didn't want to be the secret lover, so he had to talk to some of my friends and in no time we were set to go. The only thing left was for us to see and for me to say the perfect word in agreement: 'yes!' In-between, we had a fight that I can't remember what it was about but Akan started acting up. He became somewhat distant. I wonder.....is he perhaps changing his mind so soon? Or is he just tired of...

I can't believe that some dude in this day and age could take back a marriage proposal just because I have a mind of my own and have things I could want outside of him. That's so f**king unbelievable! A friend that I have always held in high esteem because of his rare ideas and the way he sees things...that's who he is. My friend. Oh my lost friend. I weep for him.  There was a joke on ground for weeks on end while he was waiting for a definite answer to his proposal...he always told me that once I said 'yes', I will cease to exist as me and all my ideas and opinions will kinda just be automatically swallowed by his. Awesome! I guess the word that comes to mind is 'robot'. Well, I thought it was a joke until he said it like 4times after then. Hmmm...dude, question is, y don't u just get a robot? Or worse, get a picture and some recording so u won't be talked back at. Come on! We r friends here. I have a right to my own opinions and ideas. A...

Months ago I took a stand to move on with my life. I found in u the basis of my loving in the first place. You r all that makes me glow. Your love o Lord keeps me alive...I just realize how I do not see it and often forget to take note. You r all that I need. You r enough for me. I always felt that my moving on would spur him on to do the same. But from his words, I see that he has to make up his own mind. I decided to remove the basis of our 'relationship'. If there is no question of relationship, would things not change? Why does something that seem so simple be so complicated? All we want to try to do is be cordial or at least be friends. For him, he needed to take a journey and I was glad he was going that route. Not for me. For him. For me, I just want to bask in this love divine. And I have been doing just that. The old has gone, the new is here yet grew wings and flew away, gutless. So now, I realize that the major thing is to understand the reasons behind meeti...