Olúwafèyíṣarámi

the forbidden fruit.... sweet, justifiable, desirable fruit... it is called forbidden because it is not mine for the taking...and i know...but i want it...even if it is just a bite... I look longingly at it and desire it for my taking...so much so that all the consequences that come with it vanish insignificantly....(covetousness?) for all the fruits I have always plucked and eaten, the story ends as always the same way. I always knew how the story would end... and that is why it is ever so easy to pursue... It is forbidden...meaning that it is not yours to have...meaning that at some point you have to let it go... and without hitch you do...because it is replaceable. no hard feelings. some things you can afford to lose, others you can't. just make sure that you do not partake of a forbidden fruit that has a hook in it....the unusual forbidden fruit. the forbidden, they say is usually very sweet and yes it is. there is a thrill, an excitement in knowing that the fruit y...

I have long asked questions and wondered at the many things that I see on the earth. Deep inside me, there is a longing for something much more; far much more than what my parents ever had; far more... Far much more than what I see all around… But ask me what it was I was aiming for at the time and I had no words to explain… I just knew there was something in me that needed to be satisfied…something in me yearned for something more...i just couldn’t be satisfied. The hole was just too deep. And no matter what I did or how I did it or how deep I went, it just was never enough. I could get drunk, get high, I could have sex all day and all night and the void wouldn’t shift one bit. I would change the persons and environment and come up with creative innovations and expend so much energy just to get some relief and fulfilment. Yes the relief came…a temporary release…that returns almost immediately. This was me. But what was it I lacked? I asked. And I sobbed into my pillow ...

Look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see the beauty you have become? Look into the half full jug (of water). What do you see? Do you see a half-filled jug or a half empty one? What do you live for? What pursues you? What nags at your mind? What is that thing that haunts you but you never want to think about? What is that one thing you will rather drown with other noises but if need be, you package it well in presentation. And at the end, still feel like a fraud, deep down yet trying to soothe your wounded being. Easily missed; almost too conspicuous for comfort; A loud ovation and a warm and giving heart … You never can do things half-way. Rather, your back will be bent until you have it all done. You work hard at not letting yourself and those around you down…you never set your standard below those high expectations. And it does work for you….and it has become you. Everyone knows and refer to you in that regard. It is you. You enter into a place and the whole p...

Winter, my season of smiles Or is it Harmattan, the cold but dry weather. Either one, I love November/January season. It brings so much smiles to my heart. My lips may chap, my skin may scale but, It is a season when my page flips unto a new one. Resolution, they call it. I call it re-evaluation and reconciling the books. No other season slaps so much sense into me Like the freezing weather. Its so cold my cheeks tingle, nose run and eyes water. It is one where I don't care much for what I wear but I never get it wrong; It is one where I get to spread my clothes and I'm certain they will be crisp dry in a matter of minutes; It is a season when I have to wear my shoes all the time or high flip-flops just to prevent my feet from the dust It is so much entangled into one wonderful ball. I feel wonder, beauty, compassion, confidence, strength, romance, love, joy, hope; I feel adventurous, grounded, free, lightweight....a season when I dare to fly and then I soar....

I have heard many excuses Reasons why he hasn't come forward.... He is shy He is afraid He is burnt He is hurt He is ashamed.... Blablabla But he has had many chances And does what he usually does. Nothing has changed No matter how I want to believe different. The echoes of the past ring loud still. Loud enough to be a problem... Truth is that he won't. He can't. If he considered it, the signs will be there. He might never say it But I know He isn't that into you. If he wants something He does know how to get it If you are a part of his big plan, You will see yourself in it. Don't hope Just accept it. He is not that into you.

Everybody seems to be getting along fine Perhaps, its just the season Or maybe there's a common interest that I don't know about Like fish out of water, I just don't get how to breathe. What is wrong with me? No mata what I do, It never works Rather, the despise grows. I have heard many excuses and I've believed every one of them I have related with you based on this and yet I'm stung I'm confused. Really confused. Is it me? What is wrong with me? I call u brother. I call u friend. Yet is it too much to ask that you care for me? Is it too much that you act your words? I hear the words, I see no action. What do I believe when my expectations r continually dashed by you? Maybe its you. Perhaps you can't help it. Maybe its me continually putting myself in harm's way. But I'm tired of it all. And I'm calling it quits. To brotherhood. To friendship. Till you choose to resurrect. Adeiu.

We will all be what it is we want to be We will all work the path we want to tread We will do what it is we want to do Irrespective of how much we shout Or how much truth is laid before us... We will only see as much as the picture in our heads will allow. We are only limited by what we see.