Olúwafèyíṣarámi

Woke up so early. Just couldn't sleep. There are so many thoughts raging through my mind and what's worse, I'm craving garri and groundnut. At 2am. Something must be wrong somewhere because it's so uncharacteristic of me to wake up and eat during the night. So, I decided to use a part of my time for something more meaningful. Something I know how to do best. Scribble. Working in a software company is actually cool. It has opened my mind to a lot of jargon in the I.T World (something I never thought possible considering my lack of interest in I.T because of its dynamic nature which nevernreally reached the schools). Anyways, to cut to the heart of the matter, being in a team where you are the only female could be quite frustrating. Especially with a team of three. One seems to think you have no right to be his boss or question his work simply because we got admission into the company at the same time and maybe a little because, he is married with kids (to an Afric...

Quite recently, I've been hearing a lot of people say that the God that stands by and watch people die is not the God they signed up for. Now, that leaves me really puzzled. "So what God did you sign up for? " I ask. And here comes the amazing reply I always get each time...." The  God who wants me to be happy and successful and have a painless life since Jesus had done all the sufferings in our stead ". Truth be told, I quite understand that logic. I think I must have shared the same thoughts most of my life. So, in a way, I get the thought. I once read a book about a man who shared the same thoughts. This man had even gone far in theology and was well known. He got to a breaking point where nothing made sense and he became an atheist altogether. I guess my real question....or the question that turned me around was this....where did I get that picture (the ideas stuck in my head) of God from? Was it really from the scriptures? Or from my ideas of what a...

We have fallen into camps, with very dissimilar smells....no camp like the other. Yet we claim to be of the same stock. How did we get here?  How did we get here? How did we get to tolerate a different smell? How did we allow a different stock into our midst? How did we get a mixture from within?

It's amazing how we do one thing and to take attention of us....or maybe just in the bid to feel less guilty, we point to silly things in another person. In my head, I hear the loud voice of the pastor through the loudspeakers, " Brother, remove the log in your eyes before removing the speck in someone else's ".  And I smile. I have seen him do this before. Somewhere in my heart, I am almost sure he is guilty of something.  Hmmmm........ I wonder ... I wake up and suddenly, every word has some hole to prod and pick on. With raised brows, I listen to the words you refuse to say to my face. I try to imagine the expression behind the text messages. And again, I am all too sure that this cannot be the case. What eats you lie deep within the skin. Perhps, a guilt you carry and refuse to divulge? These eyes see......I see you. ... A little boy in a grown man's body. A little boy crying to be heard and to belong somewhere. A boy misunderstood and cra...

 She walks on... Trying not to push for the fear that she will distort your natural choices. She claims that there are a lot of things to adjust to. What's more? She smiles with joy and spring in her steps....she thinks to herself  "I'm proud of who you are becoming. If it means you taking me forgranted or even hating me, it's a small price to pay for the goal." So, she walks...briskly, face down....and mask in place...down the corridor of healing. Without much words, right or not...she had thought she'd been vulnerable enough that eveyone would see right through her, but everyone's got  their own struggle. She says, "I understand if you can't see my struggle. I understand that yours is bigger and obstructing your line of sight." So she walks.....not away... Just a little to the side until maybe, perhaps, hopefully things fall into place. 

I have been scared to write because of the jumble of feelings within I have been a mess for months Never daring to raise my head Or sing aloud. A lot of changes, a lot of struggle. Fights, rigorous training and bashing A realignment and a re-definition of relationships And then I found you. The ultimate test of my faith I died and somehow, Woke to the reality of the test. It was a test. And I passed! yay!! Now, you are so stuck with me. Even though we have to fight through the baggage of the past 10 years And beyond. Yet it feels good to know we can have this.... And have this now. And better, have it always.

I lift my eyes and my eyes meet yours Briefly..... very briefly But just enough to catch the wariness within Oh I know you. I know you well enough that you cannot hide. I know that you are not even aware of a lot of things Perhaps until you sit and reflect Still, I understand it is hard to take it all in And make so many changes in such a short time. I look at your smile When you sit alone, I see the contentment that comes from a new awareness The joy of a new beginning The quietness of an inner glow Having a leading, a direction, a light. Something nothing can shake away. For me, that is enough. Just enough for me, irrespective of how things play out. So I guess this is it. There is nothing more to be done. But just leave things to play out..... allow you re-write your story. Even as I watch you do that "i don't care" thing you so often do. But even that will soon grow old. I am just happy you got here and that should be enough. At the blink of...