Olúwafèyíṣarámi

She looks at you with eyes, tired. Everything that once brightened up her eyes at the sight of you has dimmed. The few times she tried, she gave up mid sentence as you had other more important things to deal with. Looking up the list of priorities, she redraws her list. She thinks in her heart, " He knows what he wants and it is not what he himself wants to believe he wants. he wants what he wants, irrespective of  what I say".  So she starts packing up all her bags, from the littlest to the more conspicuous ones; Everything that fits into her bags of emotions, she packed. And with each item, she died inside in realization that this is the end. What is worse? It really does not change a thing, not until you are proven ready to receive. 

In one sentence, my world seemed shattered into pieces. My thoughts went through a lifetime in just a couple of seconds..... My  little cousin is gone....dead ... I was opened up to an entirely new world today. Opened up to different dimensions of pain and insensitivity. I will start with the pain. And I will not start with mine.  The pain of a mother. Ohhhh the pain. I felt it like a deep cut to her soul. Her spirit was shattered by the news of a lost son. Her vision blurred and oh the fire in her veins! A million thoughts per second running through her mind. The blame, the guilt,the what if's, the entire span of time nurturing the child, the silence, the loss, the pain. Who says she didn't run mad? Who said she hears you? Who said she needs to hear your thoughts? Why do you think you need to help her make sense of the situation? Why talk? Have you lost a son before? If not, why not be silent and hold her hand? Why not allow your presence and love do the...

At a round table conference with the bosses. We sit here, determining the business and the reports from the units in the company. Decisions are being done here. Lives are being altered. I sit and observe everyone. We have those who love to be heard and their voices are always on the high pitch., quite above the voices of the rest of the band, if I may just say so. We have those like me, who will rather be at the background, listening to the blend of the band and only speak when the harmony of the band is disrupted. One band, One voice. And there is another group who will rather be done with the meeting. I think I partially belong to this group, especially when we move off focus. These people sit and look on in boredom at the ones who raise their voices. In all, the entire band is bound by one goal. one voice. one business. To provide more value to the organization and to each person on the round table....and by extension, to everyone in the company. The elders in the commu...

Woke up so early. Just couldn't sleep. There are so many thoughts raging through my mind and what's worse, I'm craving garri and groundnut. At 2am. Something must be wrong somewhere because it's so uncharacteristic of me to wake up and eat during the night. So, I decided to use a part of my time for something more meaningful. Something I know how to do best. Scribble. Working in a software company is actually cool. It has opened my mind to a lot of jargon in the I.T World (something I never thought possible considering my lack of interest in I.T because of its dynamic nature which nevernreally reached the schools). Anyways, to cut to the heart of the matter, being in a team where you are the only female could be quite frustrating. Especially with a team of three. One seems to think you have no right to be his boss or question his work simply because we got admission into the company at the same time and maybe a little because, he is married with kids (to an Afric...

Quite recently, I've been hearing a lot of people say that the God that stands by and watch people die is not the God they signed up for. Now, that leaves me really puzzled. "So what God did you sign up for? " I ask. And here comes the amazing reply I always get each time...." The  God who wants me to be happy and successful and have a painless life since Jesus had done all the sufferings in our stead ". Truth be told, I quite understand that logic. I think I must have shared the same thoughts most of my life. So, in a way, I get the thought. I once read a book about a man who shared the same thoughts. This man had even gone far in theology and was well known. He got to a breaking point where nothing made sense and he became an atheist altogether. I guess my real question....or the question that turned me around was this....where did I get that picture (the ideas stuck in my head) of God from? Was it really from the scriptures? Or from my ideas of what a...

We have fallen into camps, with very dissimilar smells....no camp like the other. Yet we claim to be of the same stock. How did we get here?  How did we get here? How did we get to tolerate a different smell? How did we allow a different stock into our midst? How did we get a mixture from within?

It's amazing how we do one thing and to take attention of us....or maybe just in the bid to feel less guilty, we point to silly things in another person. In my head, I hear the loud voice of the pastor through the loudspeakers, " Brother, remove the log in your eyes before removing the speck in someone else's ".  And I smile. I have seen him do this before. Somewhere in my heart, I am almost sure he is guilty of something.  Hmmmm........ I wonder ... I wake up and suddenly, every word has some hole to prod and pick on. With raised brows, I listen to the words you refuse to say to my face. I try to imagine the expression behind the text messages. And again, I am all too sure that this cannot be the case. What eats you lie deep within the skin. Perhps, a guilt you carry and refuse to divulge? These eyes see......I see you. ... A little boy in a grown man's body. A little boy crying to be heard and to belong somewhere. A boy misunderstood and cra...