Olúwafèyíṣarámi

You have given me all but the one thing I have always wanted of you ALL And you bend your back to make it happen too. And I'm grateful. But.... Perhaps, I always asked for the wrong thing Or maybe it coincidentally was the one thing you could not give to me Maybe its not just yours to give to me Or mine to receive from you. That resolved, There's no pain. No loss. Just resolution.... Then, forgiveness. Peace. Joy.

I thought  posted this a long time ago. just found it in my archive. Can one struggle against the waters and succeed? Can one swim against the tide without tiring out? My words fail me And the little things of joy I feel I lack the enthusiasm to share Some mechanism in me squashes it. I try to bring up my questions But they r absurd to the ears Tell me then, wouldn't it be wise to drown? Mistakes? Everyone has made them. But it is what we do with them that sets us apart Rahab till date is still to many, a prostitute And David, a murderer. No matter what I do right, I can't erase my mistakes. I can only make sure I don't repeat them. But some people's god given talent Is just to remind me of those things While the others are left to encourage. Right now, Like right now now, I wish I had the words to speak And the ears to hear me. I wish I could be so vulnerable and not have to be goddamn strong all the time. I wish everyone sees my foolish...

My heart burns for you But I can only say much so few My eyes overflow with the streams within... But all my lips can do is pray. That you leave the logics of this world And trust in Him to take you through the unknown... He alone knows the way through And all he requires is a spirit that is too broken Not to but follow. One aim. One reason. One desire. Just to please him. How? How can one ever please this God? He demands and demands and yet claims to be displeased! He demands sacrifices, and we bring to Him. The offerings we bring, carefully adhering to every rule. Yet, sacrifices and offerings you do not desire. You are just not a God of protocols and traditions. You desire so much more.... A broken spirit; A contrite heart. My hands ache to hold you close in embrace, And my feet long to walk with you But I submit all that I want I lift it up as an evening sacrifice to God An offering burnt whole. If peradventure, it passes through the fire and survives, ...

I wish you could hear the screams beneath my smile If only you see the leap in my heart when I see you. If only you knew how I long to just release the reins How I wish you would see that I don't always want to be strong If you only listen, you will hear the loudness of the unspoken words And see clearly the whirlwind beneath the calm polish. I say these words but I guard against you with my life. Why would I want you to see, only to be ridiculed? Or heard only to be left over exposed? Why would I want to show my weakness when you will not hold me up? If you listen long enough Or stick around with eyes focused, You will hear, you will see.

this is just one of those things that catch my attention. the basic questions........ “We look out on the world today, on what we call the Christian world, and we see its state, which is indeed very like that in the days of the Judges. We see divisions and failures in what is called ‘the Church,’ and the question arises: Is it possible to have a whole testimony, a full testimony? Is it possible to have a complete expression of the Lord’s mind? The answer that is so often returned may be stated thus: ‘Well, that is the ideal, but you are setting yourself an impossible task if you attempt it. You had better accept the situation, regard it as all in ruins, and make the best of it!’” “Are you content with that? I am not, and I have decided that even if I die in the attempt, I will give myself to the obtaining of a fuller expression of the Lord’s mind. In so far as my own life is concerned, it is going to be poured out to the last to get His people to the fullness of His will, and I am...

It has taken a new turn. A new life has to be borne out of decisions made. A new responsibility New rules and new everything else. just because, we are not of this world. When you are in Rome You do things like the Romans do them And where your heart is, there your treasure lies. Therefore, if you are in the earth But are a citizen of the above realms Naturally, we will expect to see you display attributes of the above realms, Your culture/lifestyle will reflect in all that you do. And it is not a show to give. It is in-borne. Not a struggle. It is a lifestyle. Here in this world, By natural inclination, Our decisions can neva take this shape. We make them based on what we see, On what impressions we have about the object, Or even about what someone else thinks about them... And that's it. We have no reason at all to consult the divine. We are gods in our own right. So anything placed in our hands Are only expected to be handled in the same way... So we...

Peace. My mouth says to my heart: "Be still. Do not fret. You have had enough time to think things thru. And you will be fine. Just shushhhhhhhhhh." I admit to myself about being attracted to the tree. Yes I am. All I want to do is reach and take a bite of its fruit. I have been here for a while, beating the temptation. and drawing strength from all around to seek instead for light that brings life. Over the years, the thirst for it has ebbed... Less intense Almost nonexistent. But I will not test me just yet. For a part of me still yearns for the forbidden fruit. I have dreamed and imagined how it would taste, Even prayed and cried for this fruit. Thus far, I have had to rely on the strength of others to pull through. Now, I face the tree...and I feel the yearnings in my throat My belly groans for it And my saliva gathers to receive it. The struggle..... Flesh vs. Spirit..... My mind searches to find all it has fed on I find that I am at a cross...