Olúwafèyíṣarámi

Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. If only wishes were horses,Lord alone knows how far I would have ridden and definitely not solo. I fly solo only because you don't have the guts to ride with me. Laughing. Or maybe its just me afraid to make a fool of me all over again. Don't be fooled by my nonchallance. I may seem too quick to dismiss things but that's only because its safer to replay and savour it when I'm all alone without your eyes taking it all in. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy being with you and watching your eyes crinkle on the sides when you laugh but its a terrain all to familiar. Too much so that I'm afraid to be the fool. Don't be fooled that I'm a fool. Maybe I am but I'm no one's fool but mine. In spite of my trying not to be a fool, I still may not have been able to contain it enough not to be all over you. Even then, that don't make me your fool, dog. I may love you a little wee too much but I aint gonna breakdown unless...

About time... About time I came to my senses and end this game. Its been years and I've alowed myself to be sucked into this pool of fears. Now, its time to push back. About time. I have watched you become a strong man in my life But then I allowed it I have taken on so much shit just cos of my fears of being alone And it has gone on too long! I have no guilt, no remorse, no grudge...nothing to forgive or feel Just a cold ground of pity and even that is slowly slipping away.. Its me time and no one is going to take that from me. Not even you whom I love so much. About time. To fight alone. Its my fight. And I won't allow u or anyone get sucked in all of this. It may be a mess but its my mess. I'm getting me back from its clutches. To you... Find you reasons that will make you sane. Hold on to all grievances to hate me with. But its not about u. Its irrespective of what you do. Its about me. And about time I had me back!

Here I go again, chasing after the wind. I seem to forget that some things matter and some others just don't. Trying to stay friends with an ex may seem like a very grown up thing to do but its not always like that. I stay up sometimes actuaLly expecting some miracle to happen. Some magic that will make us talk like humans and will make us laugh at our stupidity but all I we do is stay at logger heads. Many people said to give it time but its been almost 2yrs and it seems that what made up split has refused to move from the centre.... They say love does this and does that but truth is, its just what it is. It never puts food on the table nor makes a home. It is just what it is in this realm...a four letter word. A word. Today,a thought formed in my head. I wondered why it was so annoying to watch my ex walk down the road with some girl with starry eyes or laugh at the silly jokes someone makes when all we do is fight. It actually feels like a punch in my gut literally. Now I...

me and my heart again I have never seen myself as good enough I always feel there is something lacking Something yet to be attained A part of me yet to be fixed. In spite of all that I have got I dare to ask for more But it leaves me feeling ungrateful for the plenty I already have am not sure I deserve.. Yet with all of that, it was easy to be pleasant Cos I had lost my hope in many things. I believed in many lies and It was an easier route from getting hurt. Now, I dare to hope Now I dare to want more than I ever thot I could have And now, I dare to be burnt than I ever was before. It has started... I am hurting but at least I feel... I feel love One so much so it's ripping me apart Still, I am assured that This is just the beginning...

I have been mad and angry for a while at almost everything especially you. But I just realised that thr was a time I was accused of being indifferent to issues that should hurt me. Now that's a contrast. Today I realise that there may seem to be many things to be mad about but truth is whatever I may be going thru is not man related. Irrespective of the person, it is all an experience he is taking me thru for my good. Whoever I have hurt or have been used as his learning curve, as long as he is chosen of the lord, it is God working it in him to be better thru me. Whether or not I am thr, he will device a way to make that experience happen. So, Feyi, snap out of it and stop feeling guilty. It is unnecessary. U have been a learning curve just as others r ur learning curve. See who u have become thru that experience and be grateful for it. I am a son with lots of scars to show for it...and I know I will yet bear more...I just pray for the capacity to bear it all. for I know that d d...

I have never seen myself as good enough I always feel there is something lacking Something yet to be attained A part of me yet to be fixed. In spite of all that I have got I dare to ask for more But it leaves me feeling ungrateful for the plenty I already have. Yet with all of that, it was easy to be pleasant Cos I had lost my hope in many things. I believed in many lies and It was an easier route from getting hurt. Now, I dare to hope Now I dare to want more than I ever thot I could have And now, I dare to be burnt than I ever was before. It has started... I am hurting but at least I feel I feel love but it's ripping me apart Still, I am assured that This is just the beginning...

I sit in the field of an old school watching the life around me. The brownish green leaves individually moving to different music,the individual branches in turn dance to a different tune while the main trunk bows and sways to its own song.the sky is so bright and the sun shines down.everything around me looks peaceful but then I know I have to return to the chaos of my home. Who do I tell? What do I say? How much do I even know? The system that I frowned and walked away from years ago has come to haunt me. It was easy walking out then because you tell yourself that you really have nothing to lose.when serving God becomes more of a burden of rules than a convinction and indwelling of the spirit, there is a problem. For me,it was never about anyone but me and my God. He speaks continually and I try to follow. Now, there is a major problem. The same cycle again and this time, the people I love so much and call brothers and sisters are giving me reasons to re-think if they ever were ...